EKG Me, Mr. Prophylactic
I had to go to the E.R. tonight. I’ve been having these weird heart-palpitations since I got back from Africa, and today they were on the rise. I was just shrugging it off as little-girl excitement over my transcontinental-skipping and my upcoming move to California.
That was until nurse Mama Rose said, “I think you should read the fine print on that Malaria prophylactic you’re taking.” So I did that.
It’s always a good idea to listen to your nurse Mama. Especially when she says big crazy tyrannosaurus rexy words like, “prophylactic.”
If you experience irregular heartbeat while taking this medication: CONTACT YOUR DOCTOR IMMEDIATELY.
I did that. (But I didn’t appreciate all the SHOUTING IN CAPS.) And the doctor sent me to the Emergency Room.
It’s funny the things you think about when you’re young with not-extravagant health insurance. The nice ER nurses are hooking my heart up to the EKG machine, and Mama–who used to work at this hospital–reminds me that this procedure costs about $500. 12 seconds of EKGness. $500. In my calculations, that’s $41.67/second. (Not bad, robot. Hope you’re saving for retirement.)
I.V. dripping salt-water into my arm…….$50
Multiple blood tests…….$200
Doc saying I’m all-normal and should just stop taking my Malaria pterodactyl……Priceless.
She also said I should cut back on the caffeine. Oh dear.
I’m very thankful for health insurance. But the expense of the whole system just baffles my happy little heart.